THE EXPENDABLES: Movie Review

Posted by: "Prinz" Lee Romero  Posted: 08-12-2010 Print Article Email to a friend RSS Twitter Facebook

To be honest with everyone, “The Expendables” isn’t a good film at all. The word ‘plot’ didn’t seem to be an option when this script was being punched up. I mean unless you’re drawn by testosterone filled scenes which entail lots of gun-play, tough-guy jargon, explosions and the reuniting of some of our heroes from the 80s mixing it up with some contemporary ones, than this is for you. I believe this film only had one purpose and obviously it was money and some old-timers trying to reignite that spark they once had – especially Governor Schwarzenegger whose term is up in November and like most Californians will remain unemployed.

Watching “The Expendables” provided a trip down memory lane when some of the best films by Sly or Willis or Schwarzenegger provided an edge of insanity. Remember the “First Blood” or “Die Hard” series? What about “The Terminator,” “Commando” or “Predator?” Damn, these were films although high on the ‘Yeah, bull-shit” department, they were films that fed your emotions a ton of adrenaline and provided some of the best memories ever along with some great one-liners which to this day my brothers and other film-buff friends of mine and I share. Sly’s attempt with “The Expendables” was of sorts and I can’t really say he failed as this weekend will pretty much decide if it’s a hit – and more than likely it might be, but this isn’t a film that will be placed in history film-books as one of the greatest.



“The Expendables” is your typical film where crazy American mercenaries find themselves in the midst of sketchy assignments. A lot of these assignments pertain to our government which entails knocking out people they feel are a threat – Sound familiar? In this film the CIA is looking to knock off a corrupt Latin-American dictator – of course – and extend their arms and tap on the shoulders of Sly (Ross) and his whacky bunch which consist of Statham (Lee), Li (Yang), a horribly monotone Lundgren (Gunner), Couture (Road) and Crews (Caesar) – who basically take their orders from a pretty beaten Rourke (Tool) who once ran with the pack. The mission presented is the infiltration of a dictator’s headquarters which lies somewhere in a remote island off the Gulf Coast. To their surprise, they find themselves tangled in a blotched mission spear-headed by one of their former selves (Roberts – Agent Monroe) who under greed hypnosis, decides to raise the stakes and create ruckus along side his bodyguards Austin (Paine) and Daniels (Brit).

That’s it, ladies and gentleman.



Other than the obvious mentioned regarding all that entails testicular fortitude, the rest is bland. I’ve seen better plots during school plays and there’s a lot in this film I felt could have been omitted. Firstly, I don’t really see how Willis and Schwarzenegger served any purpose in this film. Their blown-out-of-proportion cameos served zero purpose. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen their cameo. It might have been pretty enticing if it remained a rumor and never seen until the film’s release like they use to do back in the 80s and 90s, but nowadays, it’s all about giving way too much which can ruin it. Secondly, the acting was extremely mediocre. Sometimes it would be over-the-top and at times it was just simply bland. It’s clear this film was geared towards money by slapping a bunch of Hollywood elites, but come on, give us something to feel good about. Well, I’m not even sure why I’m even touching the art of acting if none of them really are. If anything they’re all movie stars, not actors. There’s a difference and I ask you to use your brain and figure out what I mean by it. Third, a lot of the cutting between fights kind of threw me off because one can’t really tell who’s fighting who. All you hear are punches landing, bodies hitting walls, knives being thrown at people and shots being fired by some of the most amazing guns ever seen on film. Lastly, I’ve mentioned this many times… what is it with Latino/Hispanic actors that can’t speak Spanish? Linguistics is an art-form as well my people and if you want to stand out and have pride for who you are and stand for, speak it properly dip-shit; otherwise, you’re a joke among your people and just another gringo. Since when is the letter ‘L’ replaced with the letter ‘R?’



The only positive this film has is its scenery. You’ve got landscapes and great F/X entailing a lot of bullshit stunts no man in this world could ever pull off – unless you’re Bear Grylls or one of the Jackass guys. Everything was sharp, neat and mint, but again, that doesn’t make a film. If anything, this film will entertain and that’s it. I don’t see it as a piece anyone should recommend to another. No merit, no reason and nothing on any of the characters regarding who they are, where they came from and how they even became the unit they are. The film just starts off on a rescue mission in Somalia and onto a high-jacked vessel by pirates holding hostages. Character development/background is extremely important, but it seems Hollywood enjoys insulting moviegoers’ intelligence. Yes, there are Jar-Heads out there who take in anything they’re fed, but when you have those with a high level of respect and analytical mindset towards cinematic art, they’ve lost! Ah – in the end, I’m sure it’ll garner an audience in teens, grunts, Republicans and perhaps women and gay men looking to indulge in a film laced with steroid-riddled men. I’m a long time fan of everyone in this film, but whatever, I can’t say it’s one of the best I’ve seen this year.
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Grade: C
Genre: Action/Adventure and Crime/Gangster
Roars: 3 out of 5

Rated: R
Run Time: 1 Hr. 45 Min.

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Steve Austin and bunch of other overrated “actors”

Director Sylvester Stallone